Want A Lame Excuse For A 100 MPH High-Speed Chase? ‘I Was Teaching My Dog How To Drive!’

Yeah, that went about as well as you'd expect

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to admit we’re all going through a little bit of cabin fever right now. Trust me guys, I totally get it. Obviously, we don’t condone folks racing in the streets now that they’ve been emptied by the recent coronavirus outbreak. You’d think that would be the cause of a 100 mile per hour high-speed chase in Washington state that led a man to crash this Buick, but oh no — the real reason is much more weird and hilarious. The man was trying to teach his dog how to drive.

Oh, the jackassery.

“I wish I could make this up,” Trooper Heather Axtman said of the chase. After getting multiple calls to 911 of a car driving erratically, state troopers were in hot pursuit. The chase any came to an end when the troopers deployed spike strips. However, that came after pulling alongside the Park Avenue shown above and seeing that a damn dog was in the driver’s seat. The man “teaching his dog to drive” veered off the highway onto a popular bike trail in Snohomish County, which was miraculously empty at the time thanks to the state’s stay-at-home order.

Axtman commented further on the chase. “I’ve been a trooper for almost 12 years, and wow, I’ve never heard this excuse. I’ve been in a lot of high-speed chases, I’ve stopped a lot of cars, and never have I gotten an excuse that they were teaching their dog how to drive.”

Naturally, Washington State Patrol arrested the actual driver who was controlling the car from the passenger seat. The 51-year-old man — See? Millennials aren’t the only idiots on the road, guys — was booked on multiple felonies, including driving under the influence of drugs, hit and run (he did hit two other cars), felony eluding and reckless endangerment.

The female pit bull, “a very sweet girl” by accounts from the scene, was handed over to a local animal shelter. As hysterically stupid as this story is, fortunately no one appears to have been hurt, and the only real casualty was a Buick Park Avenue. Take that for what you will.