It’s that time of year again. Time to whip out the Ten Commandments of Driving for all to bask in its glory. So majestic is this list, so powerful – that I had to make two parts out of it. Indeed, once you have absorbed this righteous text, you will be better for it.
… and if you take this too seriously, consider viewing reality television.
- Thou shall worship Formula 1 and keep it holy. You shall love qualifying and praised be the 117% rule. You shall love KERS (Kinetic Energy Recovery System) even when it doesn’t work properly. You will make every effort not to worship Kimi Räikkönen because he’s a hard-drinking, angry, antisocial driver who… you know what? That’s the exact reason why you should dig him. Never mind – Kimi is okay with the lord.
- Thou shall not be a jerk and forego using your turn-signal when changing lanes. Look people, if you are within 100 feet of another driver, they need to know what your thinking when it comes to moving your vehicle. If your cellphone encumbers your ability to use your turn signal, maybe it’s time to rethink your priorities.
- Thou shall worship no idols… other than Ferrari, Lamborghini, Aston Martin, Maserati, Porsche and… Tell you what? Worship any automotive brand (except for Smart) that’s sold in the United States – as long as they have something cool to offer.
- Thou shall not add stickers to your ride telling usurpers exactly how many people are in your family, how many pets you have or plaster somebody’s real name on your ride. Are you serious? Why not stamp your social security number followed by your online passwords on your ass!? Sheesh, those stick figures annoy just about everybody.
- Thou shall use an ashtray you dirty slob! If the almighty catches you tossing a lit butt out of your window – the 2014 Ten Commandments of Driving may be written in your bodily fluids. Do you have any idea how many fires are started by ash? Look, I smoke too, but I’m not that careless. If you can’t use an ashtray to support your habit, I have an excellent place to shove your cigarette butt.
Catch the 2013 Ten Commandments of Driving part 2 tomorrow!
What would you buy at the auto show? Check out this video and see if you agree.
The 2013 Ten Commandments of Driving part 2 will be up tomorrow – I promise.